I was already running two minutes late to meet a friend for dinner when I opened the back door to retrieve a bag of trash and noticed two pinkish wriggling worms smooshed between the threshold and the kitchen tile. The tiny worm was flipping and twirling like a madman. The fat one just seemed to be sort of tensing and releasing in place.
I can't be 100% certain, but I think I did four squealing laps around the kitchen.
There was no way in hell I was picking them up with a paper towel, but I had to get them out of the house somehow. Thinking quick, I whisked my flip-flop off and scraped it across the floor at the assailants.
I missed.
And then I realized that they weren't worms.
They were two separate pieces of one very small lizard. The tiny breakdancing one was its tail. The fat lethargic one was its body.
It's amazing how fast a person can run with their toes completely curled.
I really wanted to just sit and wait for Mr. W to get an emergency flight home to come take care of this problem. But I had a dinner. So I had to solve the problem on my own.
I looked around the kitchen. Curse words may have been streaming from my mouth. That damn tail kept twirling the whole time I was frantically trying to formulate a plan. And then it hit me.
I grabbed a spatula from the drawer and flipped the tail out the back door. Then went the little lizard. Then I screamed and threw the spatula into the sink and did a few more flapping laps.
I'm going to have nightmares about that creepy little tail slinking into the house tonight.
Mr. W really cannot get back to the U.S. fast enough...
Darling... didn't you live by yourself for years? ;) haha I love the visuals. I would have done the same thing.
ReplyDeleteHHP - But I NEVER had a lizard in my apartment! Bugs, yes. Even a slug once. But never a lizard. With a detached wriggly tail!! Blech!
ReplyDeleteAlso, when I emailed Mr. W about the incident, here's what he said:
"Sorry about the lizard. Not sure what I would have done except pushed you aside and jumped up on the counter."
So I guess it doesn't matter that he wasn't there!
Oh yeah. I hear you. I love all living things, but for the most part, keep them out of my house!
ReplyDeleteI cringed and hopped around like a madwoman just reading this post. Safe to say that I fully identify. I'm really impressed that you threw the spatula into the sink. I would probably have thrown it in the trash, I kid you not.
ReplyDeleteI will say this, living by myself has taught me a lot in the last 6 years: fixing a toilet, fixing a vacuum cleaner, changing the air filters on my car, etc. But I have to say if I saw a lizard, I would have no idea what to do with it but panic and throw a shoebox over it. And b/c I'm stubborn and refuse to admit every needing help, I would probably be stuck with a dead lizard forever.
ReplyDeleteLesleyG - Totally. Especially when they try to leave behind their detachable appendages!
ReplyDeletePreciousByDesign - Haha well I figured the dishwasher would do a good de-lousing job. I think the spatula is lizard-germ-free now!
Um...don't you have cats?
ReplyDeleteWorms don't worry me too much... Spiders on the other hand? *Squeal*
ReplyDeleteWhen is he coming home? It seems like forever that he's been gone. Damn lizards and Alien.
ReplyDelete