Sunday, July 29, 2012

Marital Milestone #47: Peeing in a Container on the Highway


Mr. W and I headed up to our beloved Santa Ynez Valley this weekend to do a little house hunting (more on that later), and after a lovely couple of days spent drinking and daydreaming, we hit a wall on our drive home. A solid wall of traffic.

We were on the 101 freeway almost where it splits to the 33 toward Ojai when we saw dark brownish-grey smoke billowing up from the west of us. The brush that butts up to the freeway was on fire. We weren't surprised when traffic began to slow, and not even when it stopped dead for several minutes.


We were surprised, however, that we then became trapped in place for nearly 2 hours while firefighters battled the flames.

The upside of this was that we got to listen to our audio download of The Hunger Games: Mockingjay. The downside was that after about hour, I had to pee.


People were out of their cars, walking up and down the road, taking pictures and chit-chatting, so I wasn't super excited by the idea of wandering over into a bush. Nor was I overjoyed by the thought of going in the car, with windows all around me and Mr. W sitting in the driver's seat. But unfortunately, I came down with a UTI (Hi Internet! I think UTI goes well with TMI, doesn't it?) last week. And any girl out there knows the last thing you want to do when you have a UTI is hold your pee.

It took a little reassurance on Mr. W's part. He offered to hold up one of his shirts to partially block me, and we arranged my car windshield shade up around another part of me. I still felt exposed, but it was that or nothing. And so I went. Crouched on the floor of the front seat of the Prius. Into a disposable Tupperware container that Mr. W had been eating grapes out of 5 minutes prior.

I'm pretty sure our relationship has reached a whole new level now.

Too embarrassed to dump it out the car door (like the lady in front of us did—no joke), I closed the lid on it and held it between my feet the whole way home.


Hahaha that's a picture of our beer from last night but I couldn't resist throwing it in at this part of the story...

Although things felt better after my bladder was empty, it still seemed like we had to sit there for about four more days. I have an even deeper sympathy for those people who get stuck on the tarmac. I cannot imagine... Finally, the fire department brought in some air support, and after about 7 water dumps and the arrival of Cal-Trans, they decided it was safe for us to begin moving again.


I'm hoping Mr. W will be able to recover from everything that happened today. I'm sure being that close to a brush fire nearly scared the pee out of him...

24 comments:

  1. While the shirt was enough to block the sight, it sure wasn't enough to block the smell.

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    1. You're all class, W. Thanks for adding that nice sensory detail to the story.

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  2. Nice!

    You know what? I bet he has a new-found respect for you after this.

    Sorry to hear about your UTI. Can't wait to hear how the house-hunting adventure is going. :)

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    1. I dunno if he has a new-found respect, but certainly a new-found level of intimacy. :) He's been with me before when I've had to pee in a bush while hiking, but during that he was at least 10 yards away. This was a lot more up close and person than I think either of us would have preferred!

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  3. There is just a lot going on in this post, isn't there? :)
    That has got to be a life milestone (the closest I've come to that is peeing in an RV bathroom at 75mph on the highway). Which I think just naturally become marital milestones when your spouse has to bear witness. haha.

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    1. There is A LOT going on here. Yes. :) I've peed in an RV bathroom on the highway before and that is a huge feat, as well. You could almost start a "Peeing on the Road" blog - I bet lots of people have funny stories to share! :P

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  4. When I was a kid and my family was driving cross-country, I rarely made it as far as a bathroom. We always pulled over to the side of the road, so I could go there (cars whizzing by and everything). From that trip, I became known as Aimless. You figure it out. ha.

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    1. Awwwe well at least they didn't call you "Spatter." :P Pulling over and going in a bush appeals to me way more than ever having to go inside the car again. I've heard stories of moms on road trips going in containers because they don't want to stop the car while their kids are sleeping. Perhaps one of those stories is in your future! :P

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  5. This is awesome. That is all.

    *Dies laughing*

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  6. Just be thankful you only had to pee......

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    1. In the moment, a tiny terror shot through me - like what if all of the sudden something else came out? Mr. W would have left me there and walked the 100 miles home.

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  7. A word of "motherly advice", continue to keep a container and lid in the car, some kleenex and hand
    sanitizing wipe. When you gotta go, you gotta go!
    p.s. Keep kleenex in your purse also!

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    1. I'm hoping I never need to go confined in a car again. I have to problem with bushes and the drip-dry.

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  8. I hope I can skip this milestone. LOL

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    1. You win for writing my favorite comment on this post! :P

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  9. Wow. I mean, WOW. I have no idea how you managed this. I don't need like, details, but I'm totally impressed. I ran into a pee in a container or my pants situation, and I could NOT coordinate peeing in the container without making a mess. Fortunately my phone guided me to a restaurant 15 miles away and I JUST made it. So I am totall impressed by your pee in containers AND in front of another person.

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    1. Believe me, I didn't want to do it! So don't be that impressed! It was a dire situation. Now I sort of wish I had a picture of myself so I could see what I looked like all squashed on the floor of the front seat...

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  10. I'm totally impressed with your peeing skills. I'd have been afraid of spilling on the seat then having to sit in it!

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    1. The container was quite large, believe me. I never would have been able to do it if it had been any smaller!

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  11. Great story. Love the first comment about the odor too. Thank goodness you hadn't just had asparagus. Guys are so lucky to have mother nature as our bathroom.

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    1. Great...I'm glad Mr. W has a fan... Have you ever seen the "whizzy"? It's a device that lets girls pee standing up. I may need to buy one.

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Well, whatdya think?