Sunday, May 5, 2013

One Is the Loneliest(ish) Number


My life has been filled with a lot of "twos" lately. There are the two cats I've had for over a decade. And the two primary writing clients I've been juggling for the last year. And the two houses I've been inhabiting. The two countries I've been traveling between since Mr. W started his latest work project. And last week, I had two of my favorite coaching cohorts staying with me.

One of the creative directors I work for made a joke that house guests are like fish—they start to stink after about 5 days. But my coach friends were here for 8 and 9 days, and didn't emit a single foul odor. That said, by about the 7th day, I was excited to get back to my solo lifestyle.

And then they left.

They moment the house was quiet and empty, I started to cry.

It could have been from exhaustion. But it was also just that feeling of vacation and fun coming to an end. I was filled with a deep empathy for empty-nesters in those first few moments they're alone at home after their kids have gone off to college.

Even when you're looking forward to flying solo, it still has the power to bring up swells of grief.

This got me thinking about the whittling that will take place in my life soon.

It made me wonder how much sadness I'll feel when I'm fully settled into just one wonderful house. I suspect there could be tears at some point. And don't even get me started on the floodgates that will open when I find myself with only one living cat.

I wonder if, on some level, we always have to grieve losses—even when we want them.

As I adjusted to being the only human in my home, I found myself drawn to one of the things I always know will recenter me: the outdoors. I took to my garden and almost immediately felt reconnected. Even when I am just one, there is no need to be lonely. My backyard is continually giving me new companions.

Tomatoes, anyone?

Although these guys are arriving a little early, they taste amazing.

I ate that big one last week and it was so yummy!

Mr. W and I don't remember seeing any peaches on the tree last year, so I was
really excited when I noticed these little babies today.

Slightly stunted parsnips. Our soil is so hard. But I just roasted and ate these
guys with dinner and they were quite tasty.

And last but not least, our pride and joys: baby wine grapes. Hopefully we'll
be pressing these guys when we live at the new house fulltime.

14 comments:

  1. Those tomatoes look awesome!!! So looking forward to summer time fruits!
    A connection to nature is a great way to overcome loneliness...Something about the harmony of plants, insects, birds, humans coexisting together reminds us we are not alone. Lovely post!!

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    1. It's so true - talking to squirrels in my backyard helped me get used to not working in an office with other humans. :P And yes, the tomatoes are pretty tasty. We lucked out.

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  2. You know, I totally get what you mean here. Vacationing with a TWO-year old is hard work ... and yet, I mourn when our vacations come to an end. PS - Your garden looks amazing!

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    1. I think it has something to do with being more present on vacation and creating the memories and everything. Then when it's over, it's just back to the grind.

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  3. Oh, man. I am so jealous of your growing season. I am still planning the tomatoes I want to plant, which I can't wait for because nothing compares to a home garden tomato. They put store-bought tomatoes to great shame.

    I get so much nostalgia for things that either just ended or have been over for a while. I never considered it grieving but I think you're right, in some ways it is. It's not that I want to go back, I just miss the feeling.

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    1. That's really poignant - just missing the feeling. I didn't even realize that's what I was missing, but you're right. That's totally it. I wonder if I'll miss my tomatoes in the winter... ;)

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  4. Just outta curiosity: how remote is the new house from neighbors, from town? One thing about L.A. is that it can be both easy (living in a large city) and difficult (traffic) to get together with friends. What will it be like at the new homestead?

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    1. The neighbors are like regular neighbors - right nearby. We're just all on 1-acre lots. I'm hoping that I'll be able to make new friends up here and that, because it's so small towny, I'll see them even more often than my friends at home!

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  5. I'm totally impressed with those tomatoes. You've got skills, sister.

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    1. I have no skills. I *think* Mr. W planted the tomatoes, but I'm not sure if it's another volunteer that just popped up. In no way did I help that beast grow - I can take no credit!

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  6. I know precisely how you feel. It is always how I feel when I come back from a trip to LA or when R leaves after a visit. And as I mentioned over at www.foodiesdilemma.com, I usually find peace back in the kitchen (similar to the garden, no?). Keep your chin up, young lady! And I can't wait to eat some of those tomatoes :)

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    1. I think your cooking and my gardening are like forms of meditation. Some of the fastest routes to recenter us. I can't wait until we live in closer-ish proximity and we can combine our mad skills to grow/make amazing meals together! :)

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  7. Your garden is amazing!

    I love your positive outlook. You can always find the bright side in a situation. My best friend and I used to talk about how independent we were and how we both loved living alone, but one night over a glass of wine, we both confessed to crying after friends and family end a visit and leave. I think we can adapt to any situation, but it's hard to be alone after experiencing the joy of someone's company. You're making healthy choices to go outside, tend to the garden and keep busy until you adapt to being alone again :) I used to get drunk and eat cupcakes, so we're calling it a win for you!

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    1. I think it's a good thing when we cry over friends and family leaving. It means we had a good time, right?!

      I hear ya on the drinking and sweets. My chocolate and wine supplies got a run for their money recently!

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Well, whatdya think?