|My first half marathon. When I was young and in good shape.|
Over the last few weeks, I've been feeling like I'm running the final leg of a marathon. I can see the finish line, but my legs are buckling, everything hurts, and I can't hear the people cheering anymore.
I'm pretty much a hot mess.
Remember that post I wrote about all the overwhelm feeling like abundance? That lasted about 24 hours.
After that (and before, too) what it really felt like was complete overload from having a husband out of the country for 6+ months, two houses and yards to care for, cats that are serious a-holes a lot of the time, more travel than I can handle, and a workload that gives me heart palpitations. Oh, and let's not forget this new career path I'm trying to pursue. Yep, I'm the life coach who totally has her act together. Not.
I took my niece to Santa Ynez to celebrate her 13th birthday this past weekend, and everything was going pretty great (she was even patient when I insisted on pulling weeds for 45 minutes Sunday morning) until she alerted me to a bug on the dining room wall. It was a freaking cockroach. In a house that literally has no food stored outside the airtight refrigerator.
|Beautiful ride. Even though it was about 92° and we witnessed a squirrel murder.|
In a state of desperation, I called my mom on the drive home and said, "I need help. I'm going to have a nervous breakdown."
It's not easy to ask for help when you pride yourself on being an independent person. It took a lot to make that call. And after it, I made another to my sister. And then I took my brother up on some additional assistance (he's going to spray the house for roaches).
It's sort of like people have joined me on the race course and have hoisted me up by the armpits to help me get through the last few miles.
It definitely helps. But it didn't stop me from bursting into tears when I found myself scrubbing cat pee off the bathroom floor. And then there were more tears when one of the feline a-holes pooped over the side of the litterbox and I had to clean the floor again five minutes after the first time.
|Cats are jerks.|
And hopefully there's an ambulance waiting for me just beyond it.