Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Lizard Part Two (Because I Know You're All Wondering How It Ended)

If you read my last post, you know that Friday a lizard was being held captive in my kitchen. Or rather, he was holding me captive in the dining and living room... After several panicked IMs, phone and Facebook messages, and tweets, I was able to get my mom on her cell and have her coach me through what I should do to capture this little critter. This was, of course, after she laughed hysterically at me for several minutes.

Let the record show that when my mom was a kid, she was known throughout her neighborhood for using a shovel to cut the heads off of horned toads. She says it's because they were gross and would spit blood on you. I think it was really just her own thirst for blood and carnage... Don't mess with Mama Hetherington. She'll getcha.

Anyway, she suggested that I slide a yardstick under the fridge (very slowly) to try to gently prod Mr. Lizard back into the daylight.

Of course when I tried this, the yardstick was too thick.

So I decided to pull the front plastic grate off the fridge to see if that helped. It more than helped—it revealed Senor Scales sitting right on the other side. I immediately thought of Janice's post about meditating the rats out of her Parisian apartment, and decided to use the power of positive energy and a soft speaking voice to try to turn the situation in my favor. I explained to the lizard that I was on his team; I just wanted to help him get back outside where he belonged.

I kept talking to him the entire time I nudged him with the yardstick. "Come on little friend, lets just get you into the box so you can go see your family and not jump onto my face."

It may have been the soft tenor of my voice or the scent of reptile in the air, but of course both cats came to see what was going on in the kitchen. Knowing the little one wouldn't be smart enough to walk around to the other door, I closed the pocket door in her face. The fat cat came in and laid down on the rug, where I knew he would stay until I was finished. Chasing lizards is far too much work for him.

Eventually Mr. Lizard scurried out from the side where he'd entered and I was able to trick him into walking onto my dustpan. Then I slid the dustpan into a small box and tipped the box over so he fell in.

My toes were curled the entire time.

Too chicken to pick up the box with my bare hand, I slid the dustpan under it and carried him out to the back lawn where I gently tipped him onto the grass. He went on his merry way, back to his lizard family, boasting tales of black and white tile and stainless steel appliances.

I went in the house and collapsed on the couch. At least now I know what to do if he ever returns.


  1. You did it! Feel proud! I once had a mouse in my house. It was terrible and ended tragically (for the mouse) but not on purpose. I still feel bad for that little mouse.

    If that is your fat cat, my cat is a monster!

  2. You did everything I would have, except with much more calm. And without peeing your pants, which is always a possibility for me.

  3. Sizz - That's trick photography - his tummy isn't spread to its full capacity in that shot. He weighs 20lbs - how much is yours? I can't decide if a mouse would have freaked me out more or less than the lizard. Mice tails are less snake-like.

    Lesley - Dude pants peeing is always a possibility for me, too. I think I just happened to have an empty bladder when it all went down.

  4. All that drama for a lizard that was like 3 cm long? And, did you have to stop every few minutes and snap a picture of your progress? You may not be able to handle the workplace hazards at your new "work from home" job. Oh, and let rectangle cat know that my word verification is puring....Just for him.

  5. I would take a lizard over a centipede any day.

  6. Glad your mama saved the day as usual. :) Lizards don't bother me, snakes, now that is a different story! Yuk!!

  7. If that were a mouse or even a snake, I probably would've freaked. But, a lizard? Just not sure I'd jump quite as high. =)

  8. YAY!!! I would have totally freaked over the lizard. I mean, they're so sneaky with their sudden twitchy movements. BLAH. and it's not the creepy factor. It's the crawling on your face while you sleep that's so disturbing.

    Thanks for sharing the story! This made my morning! :D

  9. I love that in the middle of your turmoil with the lizard, you stopped to take photos knowing that this would make an excellent post. Laughing!


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