Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Yet Another Reason to Relocate

 A sunrise view from our front the Hills of Horror.

As if my recent issue with the post office weren't enough, Hollywood is pushing me again to flee to someplace more sheltered and rural. Only this time, the city's gone balls-out scary.

I should back up and say we've had a stint of shady activity over here recently. First there was the guy who went on the shooting rampage a couple miles from our house. Then there was the New Year's arsonist. And yesterday a horrific discovery on a hiking trail I frequent.

I was sitting at my dining table, chatting on the phone with a friend when I noticed the hum of several helicopters overhead. This is far from uncommon in our area, but they were lingering for awhile so I decided to check my #1 source for local news to find out what was going on: Twitter. I logged on and did a search for Hollywood only to discover a series of posts and links about a human head being found in a bag on a hiking trail. A trail I love to visit because it's pretty and safe. A trail that connects with the one where I took my nieces hiking over the weekend. A trail that is a few streets over from our house.

I immediately felt a sick wave of panic wash over me.

I IMed Mr. W at work to tell him and he replied, "It's time to move." Then, still shaky and filled with fear, I texted a friend who lives nearby, IMed another one and called my mom. I have a tendency to try to suck other people into my stressful situations so I don't have to experience them alone.

When my mom picked up, I asked if she and my dad were watching the news (by that time, the story had traveled  from Twitter and a couple websites). She said no, so I told her what had happened and that I was afraid there might be a serial killer on the loose.

"Oh, there's serial killers all over the place," she replied.

Words of comfort in my time of need. Thanks, Mom.

I was semi-glued to the television and the laptop after that, trying to find some piece of reporting that would make me feel better. But once I got the tidbit that made me feel relieved, I also felt a little guilty for not maintaining my stage-five flight of terror.

It was a 40+year old man's head. Not a 30-something woman.

Just knowing it wasn't my in demographic made me somehow feel safer. I told myself maybe it was an Armenian mafia hit or a drug deal gone bad.

I know terrible things can happen anywhere—and even small towns have their share of creepy situations—but if the trend here in Hollywood continues, Mr. W and I may need to consider moving up our moving date.


  1. Well your mom has a point. Even in sleepy town NC there is plenty of crime. You just have to be prepared to defend yourself or know what to do if you need to flee.

    Wanna take one of those survival classes now? haha

  2. " I have a tendency to try to suck other people into my stressful situations so I don't have to experience them alone." Ha! This is what I do, too.

    Maybe you all will end up in boring Colorado visiting me instead! Well, there have been no heads found nearby but my dogs do seem to find animal carcasses far too often.

  3. Maybe the head was decapitated in Montrose and dumped in Hollywood. I don't think anyone would want to cut off your head - don't worry.

    @lesleyG - boring Colorado? Balloon boy, joan benet ramsey, the preacher in colorado springs, my rock n roll lifestyle - lots going on here!

  4. I hear small towns are a great place to raise a family. hahaha, I KID!

    Also, I read "IMed" as "i-med" and kept wondering what website that was and what did Mr W have to do with it and wow, missy, you put together a sentence that doesn't make a lick of sense. And then I realized I'm the crazy one.

    I grew up in an upper middle class, very white collar, quaint New England town just outside of Boston. While I was in high school, the father of one of my classmates took the FBI on a manchase that ended in Canada - he was charged with a whole serious of crimes and locked up for life. When I was in college, the mother of some kids I went to school with was brutally murdered near a town pond - the father was always suspected of the crime.

    What I mean to convey here is two things. Crimes happen everywhere. And most often, crimes happen to people by someone they know. If you're worried that you might be an unsuspecting target, I'd worry less about Hollywood and more about your friends and family. =)

  5. You know I'm not one to ever talk anyone out of leaving LA, but I certainly don't advocate it out of fear. I mean...for real? The traffic? The crowds? The crappy air quality? And your motivation is that you don't want to be decapitated? I think your priorities need a little jiggling.

  6. I wouldn't worry about it. Once they identify the body it may turn out to be one of the postal workers from the Hollywood post office. In which case your neighborhood just got better by one.

  7. HHP - I already explained my defense mechanism to you, so I don't think I need to take a class. As soon as I start flapping my arms and meowing, the attacker is sure to leave me alone.

    LesleyG - Animal carcases aren't my favorite either, but I do love Colorado! Maybe we'll need it to our decapitation-free list of potential relocation sites.

    Wow TWA - This is the best comment ever. Yes! I'm sure they were killed in Montrose. I feel so much better now. Thanks.

    Nilsa - I often ask Mr. W if he thinks he ever might murder me. Usually the answer is no.

    HunnerWoof - Please refer to my last post. The head is just more icing on the cake.

    Jeff - Okay your comment rivals Wow's for best. Thank you for making me laugh amidst my neck-holding fear.

  8. LesleyG - And by "need it to" I meant "add it to."

  9. I totally call everyone when I'm stressy. It confirms that the world is crazy, not me. :)

    And uh...yeah. if a severed head ended up in my neighborhood walking area, I think I would move too. barf! AND I would be comforted by the fact that it was a manhead too. :/

  10. That is very scary. I follow a lot of local blogs and I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the scary stuff happening around me. I no longer walk alone in my neighborhood thanks to all the muggings and random attacks. The sad thing is scary stuff is always happening and the more we are aware, the more we often become more scared and it stops us from living our life like we want. It's never a bad idea to take precautions and trust your gut.


Well, whatdya think?